99% of Arabs Smoke Weed Because They Think of Rockets Which Resemble Penises

LOL.

Weed (or Hashish) is a staple in Arab intoxication forms for many reasons that all seem to be religiously motivated. Among these reasons is the obvious; the ban on alcohol in Islamic law, a prime example. However, upon further inquiry, it seems that Arab yearning for tits and penises, too, is big a factor. This analysis will attempt to further back the claim that Arab potheads only smoke ganja for religious reasons, while highlighting the role tits and penises play in maintaining the fame of weed.

The Arab joint is called a صاروخ (rocket). Oddly enough, the Arab joint resembles nothing of a large penis, which is usually the first thing an Arab thinks of when seeing rockets as explained by British-American historian, Bernard Lewis. To confront this conservative, sexually repressive joint name, socially conscious liberal potheads in the Arab world have attempted to rename joints “Burj Khaleifa,” but to no avail. Arab pothead resistance to this name change depicts perfectly Arab pothead psyche, which still yearns for the bosom shaped roundness of a joint, and to its not so obvious penis-like qualities; all byproducts of Arab, and more broadly Islamic cultures, lack of western liberal sexual lifestyles and openness.

Joint rotation, a topic that is very crucial to most potheads, is also different in Arabic culture. Arabs’, for example, favored form of rotation is what I call the “دخن ، دخن” (keep smoking, keep smoking) rule, which differs from the western rotation rule in that your turn on a joint is not limited to two puffs, but to how many puffs you can take without everyone else thinking you a selfish prick. So, while the superior western way demonstrates equality and fairness, the Arab way, on the other hand, attempts to leave it to the person’s instincts of when he/she’s had enough. Again, this points directly to the Arab (Muslim) minds inability to rationalize fairness, something that western rational culture has confronted many years ago.

Another fun happening in Arab smoking circles is the last part of a joint, the butt.  Fights, arguments, and even deaths, have been the result of potheads generously offering one another the last toke of a dying joint. It is, then, to be concluded that the last part being the “butt” of a joint, and the clear as day light homophobic nature of the Arab mind, that is at the heart of this reluctance to take the last toke. How else could you explain needing your tribes/sect/political party backing, if, for instance, the thinkable were to happen, and the issue where to get out of hand?

Most potheads in the Arab world smoke really late at night until the early hours of dawn, which coincidentally makes the Arab potheads favored smoking time and the Arabs yearning for Bosom’s and Penises very close, in both time and setting. It’s also interesting to note that it is common practice in Arabic culture to stop whatever you’re doing when prayers are called, thus, much like the man who stops making sweet, sweaty, dirty love to his wife as Fajr prayers are called, the joints — perceived as penises and tits — Arab youth are puffing on, are put out in observance and blind obedience to age old Islamic teachings. This is a further insight into the ever-present — indeed, almost formal — power Islam has on pot culture.

As demonstrated above, generosity, blind obedience, and complete devotion to Islam are still common practice in Arab pot smoking culture; a reflection, one’s tempted to say, of Arab culture as a whole. What these implications tell us is that the Arab psyche has a long way to go before it overcomes its religious zealotry, and one fears that without western intervention, such a happening will be far away. Very far away…

As a side note: It has been brought to my attention that some western scholars have found a correlation between Arab love for Resistance rockets, joints, and penises and bosoms. Further inquiries will be made.

18 responses to “99% of Arabs Smoke Weed Because They Think of Rockets Which Resemble Penises

  1. I would appreciate if you remove that picture from this post; it is offensive to all Muslims. The mentioning of the Quran shouldn’t be related to this subject.

    • Gaz, this is a satire of the way some western intellectuals would like to believe we to function. It’s definitely not an attack on Islam, and if youre seeing it as one, then Im afraid I have to tell you that you’re confusing me.
      Weed has a distinct islamic history, which becomes all the more intriguing by the fact that the Quran had never explicitly banned its use. So basically, putting weed and the Qoran in a sentence is as wrong and harmful to Islam as I am to my health if I started to jog for a half hour every morning.

      • I’m not against the subject nor its content! I’m against the the caption of the picture only! “I call my weed the “The Quran”.”

    • Actually! You need someone TO STICK A PIPE IN YOU!!!
      WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO PUT A ‘FATWA”?
      @#$$%$&^&**(*)(()))*^^!@##$

      • Now, now, calm down, Jr

        I will stick a (hubbly bubbly) pipe in me, and I will smoke it. My favourite flavour is strawberry. I will enjoy it very much.

        Now, why do you feel comfortable dictating to others what they should & shouldn’t write, when you so clearly can’t handle being told what to say/do yourself? tsk! You clearly don’t have a grasp on satire, do you need somebody to explain irony to you as well?

        And as for who I am, am just another person on the internet, just like you. You can call me Hagga Ms Understand.

    • Well! Firstly, the pipe should GO TO ONE OF YOUR TWO TIGHT HOLES!
      SECONDLY, you stepped on my toe. So go fuck your self, fucking Egyptian Bitch.
      Thirdly, I don’t NEED A GIMP like you to come and explain what ever the fuck you shit. KEEP IT TO YOUR FUCKING SELF!!! PERIOD!

      • Gaz, brother, I dont delete comments but you’re starting to get a little too carried away with yours. This sexist bullshit you’re spewing is really starting to piss me off. Cut it out.

      • I will report you to the authorities for insulting the “Quran.”
        I swear to God I’ll let you regret it!

  2. I for one love this satiric blog, methinks it takes a little bit more wit to get it.
    Report mine too please…fastest way to get famous without showing tits ;)

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